Remembering What You Want To Forget
by JustBeFree
Summary: Tara goes out, running into someone that brings up what she tried to bury for six years! Set When Tara was in Chicago! Such a bad summary! AU!


_**Alright first attempt at a SOA Fic! I only started reading SOA fics about a week ago! I do not ship Kozik and Tara but I love both characters! I didn't want him to die! Wah! Be gentle its AU and maybe a bit OOC! But it is my first try! **_

Tara sat at the edge of her bed, she didn't want to go out. She had just finished work but promised her room mate Kylie that she would go to see her favourite band. She was now in a black top, jean and boots her hair fell loosely down her back, she had to admit she looked good.

"You know you always look like a biker chick" Kylie laughed with her platinum blonde hair and black dress.

Tara had left her life in Charming just that, in Charming. She never talked about Charming, SAMCRO, Gemma or Jax, especially not Jax. At first she thought it was a way of guarding herself, not letting people in to hurt her again, to feel like she had when she left. She soon discovered however much she tried to forget her past she never would. Whenever she had a bad day she would find herself looking at old pictures, sleeping in his shirt, remembering the many memories they had together. She always felt butterflies in her stomach every time she heard a bike, hoping maybe it was him, that he had come to get her. She would soon remind herself she left not him, she packed up her things, watched in the mirror as he got further and further away.

"Earth to Tara! Are you ready?"

"Yeah sorry I was reminiscing"

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The soon found themselves at the bar, God if she was going to enjoy tonight with Kylie and her preppy friends she needed to get drunk. She sat at the bar taking in the crowd around her, none of them seemed to be her type of people. As much as she tried to stay away from all things representing SAMCRO she found herself drawn to them as well. Here she was at some swanky bar listening to some shit she would never listen to in a million years.

"Hey mama, you look like your having as much fun as I am"

"Not my usual scene, doesn't look like yours either" Tara looked the man up and down he was in a black t-shirt, jean and boots, he didn't fit in here as much as she didn't.

"I'm babe watching and you came up on my radar"

Tara scoffed and laughed at him, he really thought that was going to work on her. She had to admit there was something about him that was drawing her in.

"So seeing as it isn't my scene and it's not yours! How about we get the hell up out here"

"I don't even know you!"

"Kozik"

"Tara"

"Pretty name for a pretty girl"

"How about we go to another bar and you stop using those bad lines?"

"You got it Mama"

Tara didn't even bother to tell Kylie, she was leaving she was currently wrapped around some intern.

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.

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She had to admit Kozik was a lot of fun, they drank beer, danced, did shots it was the most fun she had she god knows when, OK she knows when in Charming at the clubhouse. She tried not to dwell on it to much, she needed to make new memories, move on because God knows Jax has. If only her heart and mind would agree with her but they were cruel to her reminding her of her past life, whenever they saw fit. She hated the fact it was six years and she still hadn't moved on fully. She was living the life but her heart was somewhere else, with someone else.

She didn't know how it happened maybe they caught up in the moment, she was slammed against a wall with Kozik tongue half way down the throat. Her leg were now placed around his waist, she felt herself finally getting into it. That was until they were so rudely interrupted.

"Hey you two, take that shit somewhere else"

"We got it" Kozik answered just as Taras reached for her bag which was lying on the floor.

"You have a crow, you're an old lady?" He could feel the life leaving him, he had just made out with a SAMCRO old lady SHIT.

Tara quickly fixed her top, no one saw it she made sure of it and there would be too many questions. "When did you get that? What does it represent? Why a crow? She didn't need it, it was her past, her secret, something dear to her that would be forever a part of her.

"I **was** I'm not now!" She didn't want to divulge anymore information to him. How the hell did he know what it meant? Of course that why he drew her in, he was a biker, an outlaw that was the appeal, some things never change.

"You will always be an old lady. Whose old lady are you?"

"It's in my past! How do you even know what it is?" He was really starting to annoy her now, the alcohol which had been clouding her brain was slowly fading away and now she was getting pissed.

"I'm part of the Tucoma Chapter! I don't need shit from any of the SAMCRO boys! So whose old lady are you?"

"I was Jax"

It took a minute for Kozik to think about what to say next, he was drunk, after smoking a bit too much and his brain was working just a little bit to fast for him.

"The prince Jax Teller? Lady, are you trying to get me killed?" Seriously was she because that shit gets you killed.

"I haven't been in Charming in six years! I am longer Jackson Teller prince of SAMCROs Old Lady got that? I left that crow on me as a reminder of my past, a reminder of what a naive stupid little girl I was. "Tara slumped to the bench outside the bar while Kozik took a seat next to her.

She hated this nobody had brought up that stupid crow, Jackson Teller or SAMCRO in six years. Now one random night she meets a guy from another club and knew all about the 3 things she never wished to talk about.

"You know if you really wanted to forget your past, you would of had that removed or got something done over it. You're still his old lady even if you're not with him, you still see yourself as his. That's what the crow represents isn't it? That you are his and he is yours? You still love him, don't you?

Tara couldn't believe this guy he was a biker but now he was asking a shrink. This was too much, she didn't want to talk about it memories, pictures, sentimental things ok but it wasn't opening up to someone about something you had buried for six years.

"Yeah I do, I think I always will but it's in the past. I know Jackson Teller and right now he is probably screwing whatever croweater fell into his lap at the club. I don't blame him, I couldn't and I left not him. I have buried everything to do with SAMCRO, Jackson Teller and Charming for six years. Now you come along and it's all brought back up again. Why are you not wearing your cut? I would have ran a mile if I knew you were a member!" She finally grumbled looking at her feet.

"I'm nomad at the moment, needed to find myself away from the club. I love the club life it helped me find meaning again, I'm an ex-marine and junkie. I was in a bad place and it helped be get out of the dark hole I was in but I needed to see could I be me away from it as well."

Tara smiled at Kozik a genuine smile, she felt for him that is why she was here in Chicago, trying to find herself away from Charming and SAMCRO. "I feel you, that is why I'm here. The small town girl with big dreams, I didn't want to be just Jax old lady, I wanted to be my own person. So I got out went to San Diego then here, to get away from the life I didn't want to live. The weird thing is I miss it more than I ever thought I would, going to the club, helping with the get togethers, riding a bike, the parties, god everything."

"There is nothing quiet like club life, it just pulls you in." Kozik smiled.

They sat in a comfortable silence as they went over each others words in their heads. Tara really hadn't realised how much she missed the life she wanted so much to get away from. Now taking to Kozik someone who knew what it was like to be in that environment, that family, it felt good, nice.

"You're the girl who broke Jackson Tellers heart? Sorry but god I remember when it happened. We had been heading to Charming for a meeting, everyone was on edge. So we sat until finally Opie filled us in on what happened, Jax old lady had left him. He explained why, Opie actually seemed quiet proud of you. Jax was a mess drunk, all over the place and lapping up any female that came his way. Gemma was trying to convince him to go after you, to bring you back to be were you belong. Jesus even Clay and Tig had a go at him but nothing worked. I think his words were.

"If she loves me, she will come back. If I make her she will despise me until the day I die. I can't do it to her, I won't"

Gemma didn't quiet follow that, thought at one point she was going to get in the car herself and drag your ass back. She said she is not just hurting you Jackson, she's hurting us all, Tara is like a daughter to me. Clay calmed her told her it was Jax decision and that he had to make up his own mind. I don't think there is anyone else just croweaters whenever he wants, you know perks of being prince I guess, women throw themselves at you. I think they're all in competition to be his old lady but I don't think he wants another Old Lady because all he wants is you" Kozik looked at Tara and regretted every word he said, she now had tears flowing down her face and looked broken.

"It wasn't just his heart I broke, I broke mine to. He would have never left the Sons and I could never ask him to, it's his legacy, all he has known. So I decided to leave to find myself because I wanted to see something, be someone not just live in Charming and be Jax old lady. I wanted to prove everyone wrong that Tara Knowles was not just a small town girl, with a drunken daddy, an outlaw boyfriend, I wanted to be Dr. Tara Knowles successful surgeon. I regret leaving I really do but if I didn't leave I would probably regret it even more" Tara felt like a weight had been lifted of her shoulders, after six years she finally got out what she wanted to say, how she felt.

"You said you miss being on a bike, how about I give you a ride home? Kozik said trying to brighten her mood again.

Tara had missed being on the back of a bike and this was an offer she couldn't refuse.

"I'd love it" She smiled.

She rode home on the back of his bike but in her head it wasn't Kozik it was Jax and they weren't on the mean streets of Chicago but in Charming cruising along to the club.

"Thanks Kozik that was something I haven't done in a long time" Tara smiled joining him on the sidewalk.

"If you need anything just call, here's my number even if it's just for someone to talk to" He said placing the his number in her phone ringing his so he would have her.

"You're a good guy Kozik, thanks for everything and sorry I wasn't the sweetbutt you thought I was"

"No you're an Old Lady maybe next time I'm Charming I'll see you there" Kozik winked pulled her into a hug before hoping onto his bike and driving away. She didn't even get a chance to answer him just watched as he drove away. She had to admit what started out as a shit night ended up being a night she would forever remember.

_**Hope it was Ok. I might do a one shot of Kozik telling Jax about running into Tara or when Tara comes to Charming, I don't know. Depends on the reaction I get to this I have so many ideas for different fics and one shot I just had to start writing them down. SOA is my new obsession one I don't mind having lol! Review much appreciated and don't be to hard remember first SOA fic! =)**_


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